Sunday, 9 June 2013

How To Kill An Iceland Sausage #3 - Crucifixion

Day three of Man Versus Pap, and the pap is 2-0 ahead....


We've resorted to ancient tactics this time, and decided to copy the Romans and their method of getting rid of detritus....nail 'em high and let 'em die!  Crucifixion it is then. 



Surely this method will score a point for the Rate My Sausage team?  Leave meat products outdoors overnight and some foul creature of the night will surely eat the damned things?



First step was to construct several rustic crosses, using twigs found outside and string that had been left outside for two days to hopefully lose its "human habitat" aroma....



The sausages were strung up and planted out at dusk, which attracted rather bemused looks from some onlooking eastern Europeans ("these English, they really crazy are, like they told us before we left Riga!").  Then we retreated indoors to let the night, and its inhabitants, do their job....



And here's what we found the next morning....every "sausage" untouched.  Completely intact.  Not even slightly nibbled.  Bugger it!  Even foxes, hedgehogs, badgers, cats and pigeons For Gods Sake, refused to touch the Iceland sausages.  At least it shows how artificial they must be.


Another defeat for RMS makes the score after three rounds :

Iceland Sausages 3 Rate My Sausage 0



Join us again tomorrow, sports fans!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hope you remembered to get written permission from your landlord before actively encouraging vermin!!!!! Those eastern europeans are probably complaining, and asking that you get evicted!!!!! Good fun or irrisponsible behavour?

Simon M said...

I love that! These sausages must be so bad if even the garden critters won't touch them. Perhaps you could try burying them as deep underground as possible, and hope they don't poison the local ground water...

If all the grass and other greenery start dying off you'll know you've well and truly lost!