We've all been there...you try a new sausage, hate it, an decide to eliminate it and its mates. And so it was that we have been carrying out sausacide (sausagey genocide) on Iceland "sausages". Our first method was to roll them off the roof of our flats and hope they splat to pieces....
And so, up in the lift we ascend to do our blessed duty on behalf of sausage lovers everywhere....
Find a suitable spot to cast the ghastly bangers to their (we hope) earthly crash-landing site.
It's a fair way down, surely that drop will be enough to kill these vile tubes of pap?
And here they are, the evil swine, still brazenly displaying their artificial cooking stripes. Ooooh, makes me soooo mad!
Fourth floor, so 15 metres up maybe?
Bombs gone! Unfortunately sausage number one lands on a raised skylight....
Number two (and I can hardly think of a better name for an Iceland sausage) goes the same way and the wretched articles repose side by side....
Number three does the same! Despite our aiming to avoid obstacles these cowardly lumps doggedly cling to safety like tagnuts to a sheep's woolly arse....
But then, finally, success, and a sausage bounces down the slate and plummets over the precipice! High fives all round. Surely the damned thing will be a puddle of pork-lite plop when we find it!
No. Fifteen metres is obviously not enough to kill these artificial monstrosities....lurking in the undergrowth we found Target Four, completely unscathed.
Iceland 1 Rate My Sausage 0.
Join us tomorrow for the second part of this series, "How To Kill An Iceland Sausage".
1 comment:
Suggest that Junior Sidekick uses more foot work to move into the line of the sausage before executing the shot. Did I read in the newspaper that the 1456 to Kings Cross was derailed by an unknown substance on the line? The hazardous chemical team say they are yet to identify the item. Great post!
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